Confused Love

I need am advise about this, i met this guy like 6 months ago when I went to Italy and I live in Austria. so i got to know him and I fell in love with him to the point that I always wanted to talk to him but when ever I call him sometimes he pick up and sometimes does not and when he is online on facebook he dosent write me except for when I write him then he replies. so I went back to Italy again to visit him , he showed me so much love that made me feel like he really loves me. so when I was leaving he drew a heart and a kiss on de glass of de bus that was taking me to the airport. so 1 day he post a song titled "love you tender" which he wrote him self on my wall , he told me to go and listen to it and told him what I thought. so days later I asked him if he meant what he drew on de glass of de bus the other day? he said yes he love me as his sister, he said he feel something 4 me but not love. and he ask me what I wanted him to do so I told him I want him to care 4 me like someone he has feelings 4 and he said he cant because he wont be helping matters and thats what happens when he fall in love with someone else? I don't know what to do because he is always sending me kisses. what do I do now that I love him so much?


                Confused Love





Hey Confused Love,

I feel your pain..when you have strong feelings for someone and more than anything you want them to feel the same way about you..It sounds like he does care about you but it also sounds like he's sending you mixed signals..I don't know how intimate the two of you are with one another...but if the two of you have kissed in an intimate way or have had sex...how can he possibly look at you like a sister...the song he sent to you is a song about romantic love...right?! ....But what it really comes down to is Communication....once you've told him how you feel and he decides that he doesnt want to be romantically involved...as much as it might hurt...you deserve to date a guy who is 100% clear that he wants the same thing out of a relationship that you want...he might have confused feelings for you...but until he knows what he feels for you...I think its in your best interest for you and your heart...to just be friends

Ms. Pretty Opposite

Dear Jazz,

I've been dating this guy for about 9 months. I like him a lot but there's one thing that is really starting to bother me. I've noticed whenever he compliments a girl in a music video or if he is acknowledging someone he finds to be attractive on T.V, She's the complete opposite of me! It makes me wonder if he could possibly be that physically attracted to me if his definition of pretty is opposite of my look! He tells me I'm pretty and he treats me really good. It's just a little hard on the ego for me and I don't know how to handle it.

                                                                                             Ms. Pretty Opposite

Hey Ms. Pretty Opposite,

First things first... There are so many beautiful women in the world that come in all different shapes and sizes!...Us as women would drive ourselves crazy if we were concerned with every girl our guy found to be attractive!!  Now, I completely understand why there is a raise of the eyebrow, since majority of the women he finds to be pretty is opposite of you.. But I think there are plenty of people that fall in love with opposite attract.. Looks are the initial attraction... But there are so many other qualities that come into play.. That you obviously have! :) And he expresses to you that he thinks you are pretty as well! So, I wouldn't be concerned about who he thinks is pretty in Addition to you! As long as he adores you, acknowledges all that you bring to the table..and treats you the way you deserve to be treated... Then thats all that matters!! So stay confident in knowing that you are just as hot as all these girls done up on T.V!.. And I think it says a lot about you, that you are Pretty Opposite of others.. But, yet he still wants to be with you!! ;)

Feeling A Bit Insecure

Dear Jazz,

I can't help but notice my boyfriend has a wondering eye. I've been dating him for a little over a year now and I never had problems with him cheating.  He just has a bad habit of staring at women he finds to be attractive. In the beginning it didn't bother me as much because I know that most men would look at other attractive women, but now its getting a little tired! It makes me feel inferior to every pretty girl that walks into the room. I consider myself to be confident, but this is definitely making me feel a bit insecure. Help!

                                                                                Feeling A Bit Insecure

Hey Feeling A Bit Insecure,

How about any girl would feel a bit insecure!!  I like that you are realistic about the fact that men do naturally look at other attractive women, But you need to make it clear to your boyfriend that there is a 3 Second Stare Rule!! Meaning he has 3 seconds to look and keep it moving!! Anything longer than that is inappropriate! Let him know that you understand that he's going to look SOMETIMES, But he needs to take into consideration that when he is in your presence he should respect you and your feelings by keeping those stares at a minimum! Hopefully nonexistent! Express how you feel, because there's nothing insecure about that! If he wants to be with you he'll definitely take it into consideration and work on his Staring Habit! Because any smart man should know, No girl should ever be subjected to her man making her feel inferior amongst other women!

Letting Go

Dear Jazz,

I'm usually the one who gives the best advice but I need your help....I have serious feelings for a great guy who I didn't treat well in the past. We tried numerous times to make it work(him more than me) and NOW I realize how much I love and care for him and he's not hearing it...I know they say time heals all wounds but my heart STILL hurts....what do u do when u fall in love with one of your best friends and the relationship ends?

                                                                                                      Letting Go

Hey Letting Go,

I feel your pain a broken heart is one of the deepest emotions to deal with... :(  I myself know exactly what it feels like...Its an aching that hurts to the core of you. :(  First we have to try to be realistic about the situation..He has put himself out there a few times and chances are..Now he's scared to trust you with his heart again. Where we go from here all depends on his reason for not trying to hear you..Is it because he has moved on mentally and emotionally?..Is he in a new relationship? I only ask those questions because if the answer is yes to either one I would say you might have to accept the fact that what once was... Can't be...BUT!! If you are communicating your feelings to him and his reason for not hearing you is just because he's scared to trust and build with you again..I would say if this is someone you really want to be with then you have to be patient with his healing process and him trusting and opening up to you again. You would actually have to be his friend first regardless.. And see where it goes from there, But if it seems like being in a relationship with you is something he can no longer see in his future than we truly have to start the healing process for your broken heart. If the two of you are truly friends you will be friends whether you're in a relationship or not. The good news is..You can still have this great guy in your life... But I think the first step to healing a broken heart is dealing with the reality of the situation and facing your emotions head on..And really believing that if this relationship was meant to be it will be..Like you said time heals all wounds.... Everyone's process is different. For me, once I know I've done everything in my power to fight for a love I want...I then put it in God's hands and Trust that If that person doesn't come back for me that there's a greater love that's going to make its way to me. If this person feels friendship is what's best for the two of you...Then go through the motions of one aspect of the relationship ending and when you get to a good place emotionally then you can work on the other aspect of your relationship...which is friendship...and friendship can last a lifetime :) But...I hope he realizes that he needs to be your Lover and Friend! 

Girlfriend in Discomfort

Dear Jazz,

I've been dating this guy for a year now and everything is going good. Sometimes we hang out in groups with friends. It'll be some of his guy friends and some of my girlfriends. Since we've been all hanging out a lot I noticed that him and one of my girlfriends have become really cool. It's definitely platonic, but its starting to bother me because now they speak on the phone and it's starting to make me feel uncomfortable. I trust both of them but am I wrong for being bothered by this? I introduced them and I Know its just a friendship but it's a little too close for comfort. I definitely want to address it. Please help me out with this one! 

                                                                                      Girlfriend In Discomfort

Hey Girlfriend In Discomfort,

I think I would be uncomfortable too! If they weren't friends before the two of you started dating, I can see how that can get a little weird. Although, it's completely innocent...I agree with saying something about it. I would have a talk with my girlfriend first, as your girlfriend her loyalty should be to you and as a woman she should understand how that can make you feel.  I would explain to her that you're 100% comfortable with them being friends, but it makes you uncomfortable with the new dynamic of them speaking on the phone and them building their own personal friendship. Honestly speaking, this can get a little messy ...what if you're in an argument with your boyfriend or even with your girlfriend... You're not speaking to one but they're speaking all the time. that's how confusion starts! If your girlfriend understands where you're coming from, she can just pull back and keep her friendship with your boyfriend the way it was originally...in group atmospheres only. That way you don't even have to raise the issue with your guy..But if she doesn't understand (which I don't see why she wouldn't) then you have to say something to  him as well... Let him know that you think there should be boundaries as far as the way he interacts with your friends and that phone convo is outside of the boundaries for you. He should definitely understand where you're point of view because I'm sure he wouldn't like you on the phone with one of his friends! You are the common denominator between the two of them...So they shouldn't want their Girlfriend In Discomfort..Now should they!..They should be 100% comfortable with the way you feel :)

Mommy ready to move on!

Hi Jazz,

I'm 26 years old and I've been off and on with the father of my son for the last 4 years. My son is 2 years old and his father and I are not officially together anymore. He dates other women and when things don't work out he always comes running back to me saying that we are going to be together. Then a few months later he's back to his old ways. I'm so tired of it. I don't date other people and when I say I will he doesn't take me seriously. He's taking me for granted, He thinks I will always be there. I'm sick of the run around and the games. I'm starting to wonder if I should just be a mom to our son and move on without him. what would you do if you were me?

                                                                                    Mommy ready to move on!

Hey Mommy ready to move on!

I'm never the one to Suggest someone to leave their Relationship when it's clear that the person is not ready for that Change, But Mommy you sound Ready!...and Honestly I don't Blame you! He can't treat your Relationship like a Revolving Door!! That's not fair to you or your son. Chances are he keeps going back and forth between you and his other options because in the past you kept taking him back...and I know its not easy when you have a child with someone. I know more than anything you would prefer to have your family together, But he's clearly not ready to be committed. You are 26 years old, You should have a healthy Love Life. Whether it's with the father of your son or with a New Love Interest that knows what he wants! And that want... being you! ;) If you are Truly Ready to move on show him through your actions. Don't keep embracing him with open arms after his Options Expire... and I don't know if you are, but you shouldn't be intimate with him while he is this Indecisive about the Relationship. It will Contradict everything you stand for and Confuse the situation more. I would start Exploring my Dating Options if I were you...Because if he doesn't get it together Really Soon...You just might have to make the Decision to move on!! Hopefully, he will Come to his Senses and Realize he wants and Needs you in his life..If Not His Loss  ;)

Mz. GottaMakeThangzClear

Dear Jazz

I've been seeing this guy for about 2 months now. I like him and he seems cool but its still fairly new. There's definitely a chemistry and I am sexually attracted to him. I haven't had sex with him yet and he recently asked me to go with him to Miami for the weekend. I do want to go, but I don't know if me going means he's expecting me to have sex with him since he's taking me on a weekend trip. Honestly I'm not sure if I'm ready to have sex with him. Maybe I will, Maybe I won't, but I don't want to feel obligated because of a weekend getaway. How do I make this clear to him before committing to this trip?  
                                                                  Mz. GottaMakeThangzClear


Hey Mz. GottaMakeThangzClear
Oooh weekend getaway...Niiiice! But honestly speaking...Yesss, most men think Weekend Getaways = Sex!! Although, they don't just come out and say it...most men are thinking it! So, If you're not 100% sure that you want to go there sexually...you definitely need to make that clear prior to boarding!! ...Actually Asap!! I would kindly say to him... "I'm really looking forward to going away with you, but since this is our first trip together ....I just want to talk to you about your expectations...We're still getting to know each other and I don't want things to move faster sexually...than what I'm comfortable with just because we're going away together. I just want to make sure you're cool with that and if you're not comfortable with that then we should hold off on the weekend getaway until we are both comfortable with going away together". Then you wait for his response..Either he's going to say it's not a problem and when the two of you go away he's still going to try to have sex with you any way! (Typical Of Any Man!) lol... and then you will make your decision on whether or not that's what you want to do...and if you tell him you're not ready, he can't hold it against you because you made things clear prior to the trip...But if he says he no longer wants to go on the trip with you under those circumstances..Then you have to accept his decision...but I would definitely question his motives if No Guaranteed Sex = Cancellation of a weekend getaway... that's suppose to lead to getting to know each other better and not just sexually!! ;)

Ms. Drama

Hey jazz, im gonna try to sum this up becuz this is a long drama-filled story.
To make things easier #1=my bf and #2=guy friend!! Well, about three years ago,
my bf cheated on me. At the time i was only 18 so i cheated back with a guy
friend. I had always been attracted to #2 but never pursued him because of my
#1. Well, i thought once i had sex with #2, that there would be no more contact,
but there was!! It has been on and off since that day. The reason for the on and
off?? Everytime #1 and i were'nt talking, #2 would come into play. Over time,#2
told me that he had deep feelings for me. I got scared and #1 and i got back
together again. This has been an ongoing back and forth for all this time and
finally something HUGE happened. I got pregnant by #2!! By the time i found out,
i got back with #1! Therefore, i didnt keep it. I told myself i would never go
thru that again. I eventually broke up with #1 because he was still a cheater. I
found out i was pregnant by #1 when we broke up, but had the baby because i
couldnt do that again!! Even though i was pregnant by #1, #2 still stuck around
with me! I really loved him!! Well the last straw for #2 was when i got back wit
#1 AGAIN. It was hard to let go cuz i'd been with #1 for 6yrs. Eventually i let
go of #1!! But it was too late, #2 had moved on and got a gf. I love this man so
much, question is, should i still try to pursue him or let it go? Im askin cuz
he stuck around and fought for me for 3yrs. Should i give up so easily??
                                                                    Ms. Drama

Hey Ms. Drama,
        Yes girl...there's some Drama...but I Completely Understand the Scenerio
bc it happens to more people than you'll ever Know! I can understand how you can
have feelings for both...Obviously they both brought something different to the
table..But then you realized that #2 is the one that you rather be with. He
sounds like a pretty good guy...He was willing to be a family with you even
though he wasn't the biological father of the child. Thats a great Quality...and
#1 couldn't Stop his cheating ways so that wouldn't be a healthy relationship
regardless. But here's the thing. You've made some life decisions that you have
to accept. Due to your cheating as well there's a lot of damage and mistrust
with you and #2 as well..he probably doesn't want to put his heart on the line
again and take the chance of you going back to #1 especially knowing you are
connected to #1 bc the two of You have a baby together. He might feel its better
to start something new. All you can honestly do is express to him how strongly
you feel for him and what it is you want. You can set a Grace period for
yourself to know when you should move forward if his feelings are no longer
mutual. Although, that might be hard to do sometimes relationships can have so
much damage..that repairing it isn't an Option. Hopefully he'll give the
relationship another chance,but if not you have to know when to move forward and
accept the fact that some Drama isn't easily forgotten and a Clean Slate and New
Love might be the Drama Free and Best Option for #1...2...and You!

Party Girl In A Relationship

Dear Jazz,

    I've been with my boyfriend for almost two years. I'm 23 years old and although I want to be in a relationship with him I still do like to party with my girlfriends and go to clubs from time to time. My boyfriend is always complaining about me going out, saying that I shouldn't hang out since I'm in a relationship. He makes me feel so guilty sometimes, that I cancel plans with my friends at the last minute and then it pisses them off! Which I completely understand. I don't know if my boyfriend is right about me going out too much or not. How would you handle this situation?

                                                                                Party Girl In A Relationship

Hey Party Girl In A Relationship,

    There's nothing wrong with us girls wanting to have a lil fun!! Just because you're in a relationship...that doesn't mean cut off your life line to fun!! You should be able to be in a relationship and hang out with your girlfriends as well, But everything in life is about balance! First of all you're 23 yrs. old... you should be going out and having a good time!!...I think thats what our 20's are for!!! but if you really want to be in a relationship than you have to understand you might not be able to party as much as you did when you were a "Single Girl" You have to find a happy medium between Boyfriend Time and Time with Friends. Now if you're hanging out all the time then your boyfriend might have a valid point, but if you are partying with friends in moderation...I don't see the problem?! For One I never think it's ok for a woman to allow a man to control her plans, You should never cancel plans with your friends that you already committed to because your boyfriend doesn't want you to go out.  Just try to have good judgement on how you share your time. As a woman in your 20's you should be able to do both..and your boyfriend should understand that. But you must also understand that the way you Party as a "Single Girl" is a Lil Different than the way you Party as a Girl in a Relationship! So just think about which one you want to be..."Single Girl Partying" or "Party Girl In A Relationship"...and the great news is...There's no wrong answer...It's truly about what you're ready for at this point in your life :)

Conveniently Not His Girlfriend- Advice

DEAR JAZZ,
    I'VE BEEN DATING THIS GUY FOR ABOUT A YEAR. WE NEVER ESTABLISHED TITLES, BUT WHENEVER THINGS ARE GOING GOOD BETWEEN US HE ACKNOWLEDGES ME AS HIS GIRLFRIEND, BUT AS SOON AS WE GET INTO AN ARGUMENT AND I TRY TO ADDRESS HIM ABOUT SOMETHING HE DID WRONG HE TELLS ME I CAN'T SAY ANYTHING TO HIM BECAUSE I'M NOT HIS GIRLFRIEND. ALTHOUGH I KNOW I'M NOT IT BOTHERS ME THAT HE THROWS IT IN MY FACE ONLY WHEN HE IS WRONG ABOUT SOMETHING. I FEEL LIKE HE GIVES AND TAKES THE GIRLFRIEND TITLE AWAY FROM ME AT HIS CONVENIENCE. WHAT SHOULD I DO ABOUT THIS
                                                                           CONVENIENTLY NOT HIS GIRLFRIEND

Hey Conveniently Not His Girlfriend,
    Giiiiirl...Either "GirlFriend" is your Title All of the Time or None of the Time! You Deserve More than A Fair Weather Boyfriend! And why does he get to Call all the Shots as far as your Position in the Relationship?! He's doing this to you because he Can! So, you have to Stop this Pattern he has Developed with you ASAP! The Next time he tries to tell you that you have No Say So because your Not his Girlfriend. Start acting like your Not his Girlfriend! Don't hang out with him as Much, Don't answer his calls all the time..Basically everything you do as his Girlfriend..Stop Doing!! He'll Start to Wonder why you're Acting Different and thats when you let him know that you Don't want the Title If he Thinks he can Give it and Take for his Convenience! Tell Him Don't Inconvenience you with His Indecisive Ways!..and When He sees that title No Longer Has Power over you...You'll See how Fast he'll be willing to give that Title to you for Good...And you'll Get Back to him at your Convenience..On whether or Not You Still want the Title! ;)

Living In His Past

Hi Jazz,

            I've been dating my guy for about 9 months now. When I met him he did explain to me that he is still really good friends with his ex girlfriend. But the problem I'm having is that he is always comparing me to her. He has said things like, " When you cook you should do it like this because when ______ did it like that it always turned out good" also when I was working out he mentioned how _______ would run 2 miles three times a week to stay in shape and last but not least one time he mentioned how he wish he got along with my parents as well as he got along with _________ Parents! I'm definitely fed up with these Comparisons. How do I let him know that this is a problem for me without seeming insecure?

                                                                                         Living In His Past

Hey Living In His Past,

            I would be fed up too!! The nerve of him!! Did he forget that he is in a new Relationship?! Honestly speaking there really isn't no other way to address this situation...Accept for confronting him the very next time he does it. Maybe he doesn't even realize he's doing it, But it's sure time to find out! You don't have to say it in an argumentative way, But what you do need to say is..."I don't know if you realize it or not, but I'm noticing  that you're always telling me how______ did things. And I'm sure that worked for her, but I have my own way and It works perfectly fine for me. So can you please be open minded to my way of doing things and not compare to your Ex....Because if you keep living in the past, It's going to make it hard for us to have a future together."  If he's a Smart Guy and wants to be with you he will take heed to what you are saying.... and if he doesn't.. Then maybe he isn't over his past!

Miss Go Getter

Jazz,

Now, I am a serious "Go Getter," to the heart but I am definately looking to settling down but I have been in various settings and I have yet to find someone that makes me go wild. In all honesty, I love street guys and thats my problem I actually messed up a really good relationship due to me not wanting to be so structured. Now I like a good mix of swagga with a good business sense.......Where is this type of man located SMH I do not know....So my question to you is were do I place my self with such a busy schedule to find such a man????? HELPPPPPP my alarm is going off
                                                                                                   Miss Go Getter




Hey Miss Go Getter :)
    That Swag is Something Else Isn't it!!!...I Know because I Have a Serious thang for that Swag too! I Can Understand how you might Feel when you Say... You Messed up on a Good Relationship because you wasn't Ready for Structure at the Time..But when you Think about it...If that was the Right Situation it Wouldn't of Felt like Structure at All! Now, As Far as that Street Smart Entrepreneur!...Finding a Man Who is Swagged Out and Business Saavy Might not be a Dime a Dozen, But They Do Exist!! So, If you were Trying to Put Yourself in the Right Environment to Meet this Type of Man...I would Say you would have to Put Yourself in that Type of Man's Shoes and Think of what Kind of Places would Interest him..Chances are, He's Going to Places Where He can Conduct Business and Have a Drink or a Bite to Eat...So I would Think the Hottest After Work Spots Should be on your List, Also Sports Bars ..They have Become the New Casual Hang Out Spot...All Men Love Sports and a Woman that Loves Sports!! :) But Honestly Speaking I'm a Firm Believer that you Can Meet Mr. Right Anywhere!! Swagged Out Business Men Need Groceries Too, Right?! :)...So Sometimes You Meet a Good Man when You Least Expect it! For Me that's the Great Part about Love...You Never See it Coming! The Only thing I Suggest...Is to Not Let Your  "Go Getter" Ways in Regards to Business and Your Day to Day Life Stop you from Going Out, Socializing and Putting Yourself Out There to Meet Potentials...One Thing We Do Know For Sure..A Woman Who Works But Leaves No Time For Play... Won't Meet Anybody!! Now with that being Said...As Much as We Love Those Hot Boys... The Truth of the Matter is (and I Even have to Remind Myself from Time to Time!).....Swag Doesn't Make Him a Good Man, or Promise Loyalty and Commitment! (Something to think About) So, We Might Have to Sacrifice just a liiitttle of that Swag for the Other Qualities that Realllly Count! But, Just Like There's Beautiful Woman with Great Qualities...I Believe there's Swagged Out Men with Great Qualities Too!!:) And There's No Clock Ticking! Love Will Come.. Be Patient...And Not to Get All Spiritual on You...But God is Never late..He's Always on Time and He would Never Deprive Anyone From Love!...So Whether He's a Swagged Out Business Man or Not...U'll Meet Your Match!

Lil Miss Pleaser

Hi Jazz,

I've been dating this guy for about a year now. Everything was going good in the beginning. He was attentive and always did nice things for me like take me out to dinners and would sometimes pick me up from work which I thought was really nice of him. As time went on I started noticing his efforts weren't the same. We would stay in and I would cook oppose to us going out to eat. He stopped picking me up from work and I found myself picking up takeout and bringing it home for us to eat. It seems to me in the last couple of months of our relationship I'm the one putting in all the effort. I feel like I do so much to please him and to make him happy that he is falling short on his end. We don't even live together and I find myself straightening up his home and doing his laundry sometimes. It's almost like he expects it now and I'm accepting less. What can I do to get things back the way they were? Please help!
                                                                         Lil Miss Pleaser


Hey Lil Miss Pleaser,

This is a Mistake that Us Fab Girls Make Way too Often!! We Can't Help but to Straighten up a Little Mess or Whip up a Mean Meal! ;) Besides the Fact we were Taught these Qualities as Little Girls...We also Do these Nice things because we want the Guy that we are Dating to Know we are a Good Catch! Of Course in the Beginning he was Doing all the Courting a Man should do when trying to Impress his Lady...But, When it Comes to Men... There is a Thin Line between them Impressing and Getting too Comfortable with Us! When you Started Over Extending yourself he Liked it!! And what Some Men tend to Do is Push the Bar Higher and Higher to See how Much we will Do for Them! It Doesn't Make Your Guy a Bad Person..But he's a Little Spoiled and Unfortunately He's Not Going to be Pleased with what I'm about to Say!! We have to Get things back in Perspective Here! No More Daily Routine of Cleaning his Home and Doing his Laundry, First of All,The Two of you Do Not live Together, However his Laundry was Getting Done Before he Met you... Is how it Needs to be Done Now! He's a Big Boy...He'll Figure it out ...You are Doing things that a Wife would Do.. But, why would he make you his Wife when you're Already Acting like One Without the Ring?! I'm Not Saying You Can't Help him out with these things sometimes...But it should be more like a Nice Gesture..Not a Responsibility. Now, As far as those Candle lit Dinners are Concerned...The Way You Can Get those Back..Is by Kindly Staying out of the Kitchen!! It's Time to Put Your Foot Down..Keep Suggesting to Go out to Eat...And If he Doesn't Catch on...Then thats when you Say to him..."I Don't mind Cooking for you some nights, but I Really Enjoy Eating out Sometimes as well..So I would like for you to meet me half way." Make it Clear to Him that the Only way this Relationship Can Progress is if The two of you are Willing to Please One Another! Oh and One More Thing!!..Start Asking him to pick you up from work Again and When he Does, Whip him up one of your Signature Dishes!!...He'll Love it!! And that's when he'll Catch on to the Rules of the Pleasing Game!!! ;)

Ms. Need a Break

Dear Jazz,
                     I've been dating this guy off and on for about a year. I'm noticing a pattern thats developing here. One minute we are speaking all the time and hanging out a couple times a week and then next thing you know I don't hear from him for a week or sometime even two weeks!  I'll call him sometimes and he won't get back to me for days. We aren't exclusive so I don't know if I even have the right to say anything about it. I hang out with him every chance I get because I do like him and I don't know when he's going to disappear on me again. Is there anything I can do to break this pattern?
                                                                                     Ms. Need A Break


Hey Miss Need A Break
     I Want to Start off by Saying whether you're Exclusive or Not...You Always have the Right to Speak your Mind to Someone you are Dating. Especially if the Person is Doing Something that makes you Feel Uncomfortable....But just because you Speak on it, Doesn't Guarantee the Person will Change.  I Think you Should let him Know his Inconsistency bothers you...There's a Possibility his ways may not change because he is a Bachelor and it's a Nonexclusive Relationship....But If he Continues to Come Around and then Disappear..  I think Its Best to show him by your Actions that its unacceptable... Maybe you Should become a Little Inconsistent Yourself!! Don't hang out with him Every Time he Wants to See you. When He Disappears and then tries to hookup be Unavailable Sometimes!  If He Knows the Answer will Always be Yes.. Then he will be Confident that when he wants to Come back you'll be Open Arms!  Once He realizes that He can't just Come and Go as he Pleases...Then Maybe You Will See Some Changes... You Don't Need to Break His Pattern you just Need to Change Yours! ...So Pump the Breaks on Him Sometimes! ;)

Small Town Girl

Hey jazz,

    I'm 21yrs old and I've been dating this guy, 28yrs old, for 6 months nonexclusive. He's an up an coming rapper, so he's always on the go. He claims he's in love with me an want to get married and want me to have his kid...(he already has 2 boys by the way). I'm a little insecure because he has a lot of female friends an he's very open with them on his facebook page. He has pictures of his ex-lovers on his facebook page still, an had yet to remove them? I'm intimidated by him because he's been all over the world an I've never left the state of Florida? I just feel like I always keep asking myself am I good enough for him? Can I satisfy this man? What would he want with a girl like me? I'm not a HOTT VIDEO MODEL, I'm a small town girl an I'm just starting my life he's living the life he started....What do we have in common? I find myself stuck when we are around each other, my mind just goes blank??? I have no problem playing the background because I'm not into the spotlight but I just feel like I'm left in the dark about a lot of things...Should i ride it out or go my own way???? PLZ HELP ME!!!
                                           Sincerely, Small Town Girl

Dear Small Town Girl,
     Wow, Reading your email Touched me because there are So many Young Women Like Yourself that is EVERYTHING you Need to Be...Yet Feel like You're NOT ENOUGH for a Man..It's Crazy How We Try to be So Perfect in a Man's Eyes...And If We Don't Think that Man Feels We're Perfect... Then We Start to Feel So Insecure. When Really.. The Man that is Truly For Us..Will Already Feel We are Perfect! But Honestly..It Starts with You and KNOWING You Are Good Enough!...Now Lets Get to the Facts! You Are 21 yrs Old and like You said you Never left the State of Fla. You Haven't Even Begun to Live Your Fabulous Life!! There Are So Many Opportunites Awaiting You...That Its Scary!! :)... Thinking about Marriage or Children at 21...Why?!  You Have So Much Time to Do that...Experience Life...And What it Feels like to Try New Things and Go to New Places! That's What He's Done and Will Continue to Do! He's Pursuing his Dreams and Creating What He Believes to be the Perfect Life for Him and If he Wants you to Be Apart of His Life...You're Not Going to Settle for Playing the Background...You Need to Be the Leading Lady!! You are a Star in Your Own Right! Small Town Girl or Not!.... So What he's Been all Over the World!! That Doesn't make Him Better than You! But the Truth of the Matter is...There's a lot that Comes with Dealing with a Man in the Music Industry. The Lifestyle Is Very Fast Pace..And If he's Not Mature Enough to Handle His Business and Not Get Personal with all the Women that Comes with that Industry..The Relationship isn't Going to Work!! I Don't Know if He's Doing Things to Make You Feel Insecure or if the Insecurities are Developing because you Don't Feel you can Keep up with him, But Either way 6 months into a Relationship is too Soon for it Not to be Feeling Good!  I Think you have to be Honest with yourself about what you want out of a Relationship and if its Not Adding Up..Then Now would be the Time to Step Out. You Should Never be in a Relationship where you Feel Inferior or in the Dark!!....And lets Not Forget this Relationship is Nonexclusive!!! There's No Guarantees Here!...So You Need to Put Yourself First and Get involved in Situations that Make You Feel Good!! He might be in Music Business..But, You are in the Business of Building You! And the Lights Should Always be On...You Can't Run a Business in the Dark Now Can you?!  and P.S You Don't Have to Be A Video Model!!!....Small Town Girls are Hot!! ;)

Secretly Wanting Him For Myself

Hey Jazz,

        I've been dating this guy for about 6 months, nonexclusive. He made it clear to me that he likes spending time with me but he also likes being a bachelor. He was honest from the beginning about dating other woman. initially I was ok with it because I was seeing other guys, but now I spend alot of time with him. I spend days at a time at his house. We just came back from a vacation together and my feelings are starting to grow.  Although we don't discuss it anymore, I know he still dates other women when he's not with me. Inside I'm mad about it, but I try not to say anything about it because I know what he initially told me. He's starting to notice a change in my attitude when I'm with it. He can tell that something is bothering me. I don't know if I should tell him how I'm feeling. I wouldn't even know what to say! Help!

                                                                                                                                                                                                             Secretly wanting him to myself :(



Awwww... Secretly wanting him to myself :(

        SMH....I know Exactly how you Feel! Its Not a Good feeling when You've realized your Feelings have Advanced but the Dynamics of the Situation Might Remain the Same. It's Nice that the Two of you Spend Good time Together. Sounds Like there's a Nice little Chemistry here! I like the fact that he's Always been Honest with You about his Position with Dating. With that being said....If Keeping your Feelings to yourself is Affecting the way you're Interacting with him, I think it would be Best to tell him how you Feel.. In a Light Hearted Way of course :) Telling him that your Feelings are Growing for him isn't a bad thing. if he's a Mature Guy he'll Appreciate your Honesty...But as a Mature Gal, You have to be Prepared for his Response.. Hopefully he'll Want the Same thing you Want!!  But there's a Possibility that his Position will Remain the Same. He might Like things Exactly how they are. Where he's Able to See you and have his Options Open. Although, that might Hurt your Feelings, you have to Respect his Honesty. I Also think its Best for you to Know Now how he Feels about you. You Don't want to Wait a Year from Now to find out that his Feelings aren't on the Same Page as yours or that he's Not even in the Same Book!!  Bachelors are Bachelors for a Reason. They Enjoy their Ability to Do what they Like....And you have the Ability to Do as you like As Well. So, you have a Choice...You Can Continue to see Him and Enjoy The Experience, But Never for One Second Forget that he is a Bachelor...But if you Feel you Can't Handle his Bachelor Rights, You have to make a Decision on Whether or Not you Should Walk Away.... P.S  if you Continue to Date him I Advise you to Start Seeing other People As Well...You Want to leave your Options Open Too! Especially Since there's No Room for Growth with Someone you Can't Have All to Yourself!

Miss Boss

Dear Jazz,
    I'm 29 years old and I consider myself to be a very successful confident woman. I make enough money where I don't want for anything. The guy that I'm dating doesn't make as much money as I do. At first it didn't bother me at all, until he started asking to borrow money. We've been dating for almost two years and he asked to borrow money on three different occasions. When ever he asks to borrow money it's always for a good reason,usually an unexpected bill that he needs to pay. He has always paid me back, but it's starting to make me feel uncomfortable because we are thinking about building a life together.  I don't have a problem with his choice in profession, but I know chances are he won't be making much more money than what he's earning now. He's 34 years old and I don't really think he plans on changing fields to make more money. I do love him and could see myself being with him in the long run, I just don't know if I want to be the one who's wearing the pants in the relationship.  I feel like if we decide to progress in this relationship and move in together, i'll be the bread winner.  He treats me really good, takes me out to dinners and even buys me flowers weekly. He says he can see himself spending the rest of his life with me. The question is do I want to spend a lifetime picking up the bill?
      Miss Boss


Hey Miss Boss,
    First I want to say Congrats on being a Successful Independent Woman!...that's Hot!! I know in Traditional Homes the Husband is Expected to be the Bread Winner...But Times have Changed!! And there's So many Households where Women make the Bulk of the Money!! Now the Truth of the Matter is, Finances are One of the Major Causes of Divorce...But If You make Enough Money to Live a Really Good Lifestyle, his Earnings will just Add to that. With Communication and Understanding for Who is Responsible for Each Bill, the Two of you Can Create a Financial System that Works. If you Have a Good Man that Loves you and Treats you the Way you Deserve to be Treated than I Don't think him Making Less Money than you Should be a Deal Breaker. If he is a Productive Hard Working Man and Can Contribute his Earnings to a Household Shared Together... Who Cares if you Pay a Couple more Bills than he Does.  There are Other Ways that a Man Contributes to a Relationship besides Financially! Does he Mentally, Emotionally and Physically Stimulate You?! Is he Romantic and Committed to you?!  If the Answer is Yes than I think it's Okay in this Case to Build a Life with Someone who might Not Earn as Much Money as You. If you Weigh the Pros and Cons...and the Only Con is that his Bank Account isn't as Stacked as Yours....Then I Say Boss Up and Build with the Man you Love!

So Confused

Dear Jazz,
I've been dating this guy for the last 9 months and everything is going great. I feel we have a lot in common as far as personal interest and there's a great sexual chemistry as well. Recently, during pillow talk he asked me would I be open minded to having a threesome involving another girl. My initial reaction was to say no, but after him expressing that it's something that he really would like us to do, I am starting to consider it. I've never done that before and I'm confused on what I should do. We are in a monogamous relationship and i like it that way. So I'm wondering, would this still be considered a monogamous relationship and is this something I should even be considering?

                                                                    Ms. So Confused!


Hey Ms. So Confused,
I Actually Don't Think your So Confused! Your Initial Reaction was to Say No..But Your Considering it bc it's Something "He" wants to do. Now, I Completely understand A Girl wanting to Please her Man...Especially in the Bedroom! But, Sex is suppose to be Pleasurable for the Both of You! So If having a threesome has never been on your list of things to Do! Then I wouldn't Just Do it bc it's on his To Do List!! For the Record, I don't think it' s wrong for him to Express his Fantasies to You, that's Healthy for any Relationship.. But, what's not Good for the Relationship is One Person doing something they may Regret Later. Once you bring Someone else into your Bedroom it can change the Dynamics. If you do it Once he might want to do it Again and if thats not your Kind of Thing, that Experience can be Disastrous for You!! If the Two of you were both interested in this Sex Act, I would say Have Fun making your Fantasy come True! ( And I would still say the same thing as far as being Aware of the Repercussion of bringing Someone else into your Bedroom)and Just be Safe! With That being said... Clearly this is Not something you Really want to do and Yes it would still be a monogamous relationship in my opinion because he's not Cheating on you ....and it's a One Time Sexual Act..One Time Riiight?!. But seeing him with Another Woman might make you feel like the Relationship isn't as Sacred as it was Before...and Honestly Speaking, If the Two of you been Dating for Only 9 months isn't there so Many Things that the Two of you still have to Explore Sexually!! I'm Sure you Guys can Get Creative with 4 Legs in the Bed instead of 6!! Now, that can get Confusing!! I would Express to him that this is Not something you are Comfortable with and you like being a Duo, Not a Trio!! Hopefully, He'll Understand and Respect your Decision ( That would be Great )...and If Not, there's nothing Wrong with being a Single until you find Someone that doesn't make you Feel So Confused!

Emotionally Caught Up

Hi Jazz,

         My boyfriend and I have been broken up for the last 2 months because he said that he didn't want to be exclusive. I was heart broken because I really do love him. We were together for 2 1/2 yrs ,but I caught him cheating on me one too many times. Finally we called it quits because he realized he couldn't commit. But, it seems like since we've been broken up he's been calling me more and wanting to hang out. He still tells me he loves me and I do see him sometimes, and one thing leads to another and I find myself back in bed with him. I know he's seeing other women, but every time we hookup we interact like we are still in a relationship, but once we part ways I don't hear from him for days. I find myself getting mad and caught up all over again. Uggghh, How do I stop this cycle?
                                                                                                                                                                                                         Emotionally Caught Up


Hey Emotionally Caught Up,

        This Sounds all too Familiar to me! I think Almost every Guy would Love to have the Perks of still Sleeping with there Once Girlfriend just without the Commitment!! Didn't you Break up bc you wanted to be Exclusive and Committed?! Now you're doing the Complete Opposite of what you Stand for! I know it's Not Easy to be apart from Someone you Love...But He's taking Advantage bc he knows you still Love him! Never go Backwards...only Forward.  You were Once his Girlfriend and now you're One of the Girls he's Hooking up with. For One, He'll Never Realize that He Lost a Good thing because he's Still Getting it! and there's Really No Need for him to even Consider getting Back together....since he still Gets to See you.  It Sounds Like He's got the Best of Both Worlds..You and The Freedom to Date whoever else he Wants. The way you Stop this Cycle is by Realizing that this Situation is Not Good Enough for You!! You are Girlfriend Material...Not a Jump Off!  You have to Stand by your Beliefs and if you want to be with Someone who wants to be in a Committed Relationship then be Patient and Trust that you'll have that....But Allowing him to Come and Go as he Pleases is Unacceptable!! I'm Not saying that Ex's can't Work it out and get Back Together,but Sleeping Together Randomly Definitely Won't get the Commitment Back! If he wants the Privileges he Had when the Two of you were Together than he Must be Ready to Commit..If Not, you Need to Tell him...You can't get Caught Up with his Selfish Ways Any Longer!

Kinda Involved!

Hi Jazz,

    I met this guy like a month and a half ago and we been talking on the phone almost every night! I went on 3 dates with him and I guess you can say I kinda like him. The thing is, recently I mentioned to a girlfriend of mine that I was talking to this guy and come to find out she dated him briefly like a year ago! She said That they slept together 2 times but it never really went anywhere. I already had kissing session with him but nothing more than that! She told me that she doesn't care if I date him but now I don't really know if I should. I mentioned it to him also and he said that it didn't matter to him as long as I'm cool with it. Honestly its kinda weird to me but at the same time I'm already some what involved. What would you do?

                                                                                                              Kinda Involved!


Hey Kinda Involved!

        Wow... this is Interesting! But this is the Thing...Everyone is Different as far as What they Would Do in this Type of Situation. I don't Think there's a Wrong or Right Answer...I think Its Just A Case of Mere Coincidence! I would Definitely ask my Girlfriend why they Stopped seeing each other...just to have a Better Idea of what Type of Guy he is...Chances are if he was a Jerk then, he could be a Jerk Now! But if she says they just weren't Compatible and he was a Cool Dude. I would Continue Talking to him and Seeing where things Go. I would Surely take my Time getting to Know him before Advancing Physically in the Relationship...Just because the Dynamics are a little Different and you Need to make sure you are a 100% comfortable with Dating him. I say move Forward as Planned...Take into Consideration the Information your Friend Gave You about him...But Judge Him based on How He Treats You. That way You'll know if you should be Kinda involved, Completely Involved or Not Involved at All !!